Independence: wanting too much in the wrong time

My hands were piled with old used items I'd personally never use, Christian music was blaring that must have been popular 40 years ago. Yes, today my family had decided to go garage-saling. Some local catholic church was having a huge sale, and as you could guess, that wasn't exactly how I wanted to spend my weekand.

But yet, the constant unhappiness and discontent I was feeling had not just started today. It had seemed constant for at least a week. What was wrong with me? Were my hormones just acting up again?

Suddenly it hit me. Independence.

Now you may be thinking, "That makes no sense." And it's doesn't. But you see, I realized I was so unhappy because at this point in my life, I just wanted to be free of everything. Independent from my parents, my church leaders, God, everyone. It made me realize how true it is that my human nature is so evil, and that the Devil is so deceptive.

I basically was saying to myself, "I don't need anyone but myself to be happy!" And look where that got me. Unhappy and an all-around terrible person to be around.

Some people claim rebellion and wanting independence is part of becoming a teenager. But I honestly don't claim it. I strive to be still be dependent on my parents, because honestly, I need them still at this point in my life more than ever. And most of all, to be totally dependent on God for the rest of my life.

Love, I'm still finding out....

For some reason this has been a topic that has been on my mind all summer. True Love, what is it? In media and movies, it may seem quite clear. Boy + Girl = Love. However, it is a growing concern to me how love is portrayed in the movies.

Sure the first time the boy and the girl kiss, there's that fuzzy feeling. Almost a longing, for that same thing. I know as a teenager, I'm guilty of it myself. The shocking reality hit me one day, this isn't love at all. It's simply lust. All feeling, no commitment.

True love goes beyond the feeling, its about the commitment two people have to one another. Somedays they might feel deeply in love, someday's they may feel almost nothing, but the commitment stays strong regardless.

True love is not one-sided. You can't be in love with someone who doesn't love you back. You may really really like them, but it's not love.

This is something I'm striving for. I want more than just the fuzzy lovey dovey feeling love, I really want God's best for my life, God's love. I want to be able to find joy in my singleness, and enjoy God's perfect love, better than any movie, better than life.

Easier said than done of course, but I'm working on it.