Short vent, just had some stuff on my mind...

This week has been really great. I hadn't been in my word lately and I was just getting back into my word and drawing more near to God than ever.

But yesterday, Becka told me some private information about a friend of ours that had been cutting.

I broke down and cried. I care about this person like family and I wanted nothing to happen to them. I felt so helpless like there was nothing I could do. Perhaps one of the reasons I cared so much is because I had been through a similar situation.

I stayed up till 12 am just praying and reading the Bible. I tried to do what one of my youth pastor had mentioned. Flipping open your bible somewhere in the middle and just reading what's there.

Man, God is good. I flipped open the Bible and it opened on Psalm 23. I was like, "God, this isn't what I need." But as I read, one phrase really jumped off the page. 

I WILL FEAR NO EVIL

Whether it's a spirit of depression or cutting, or just Satan trying to disrupt the awesome plan God has for my friend's life, I will fear no evil, for he is with me.

Purpose/My Story

Purpose. 

 

Is it normal for someone my age to have questions about my purpose in life? Of course, but, who can answer these questions? My mind tends to go on overload when I think about this topic. I start to panic thinking, "Will I ever graduate high school?" "What college should I go to?" "What should I major in?" "What if I hate my job and I'm stuck doing it forever? I HAVE TO PICK THE RIGHT MAJOR!!!" etc. But I feel like your purpose in life goes far beyond what you do, your job, family and all that. Far beyond what I can understand. 

 

I was reading a book the other day while still pondering this in my mind, and I came upon an article in the book with the title, 

 

YOUR PURPOSE IN LIFE IS TO DRAW AS CLOSE TO GOD AS POSSIBLE

 

I thought immediately something between, "Yeah, whatever, I know." and "What? There's gotta be more to it than that." But really, there isn't. Follow God whole-heartedly and everything else will follow!

 

But this seemed hard for me for the longest time. About a year ago, I was living in complete and total condemnation, believing I was such a bad person God wouldn't want to be near me. I've mentioned the fact I was a cutter to a few of my friends which is, sort of true. Bluntly, I would dig dull knives into myself to deal with the stress and pain of life. There are some faint scar/scratches on my left forearm. It was an absolutely terrible time.

 

Then I went to this summer camp in Missouri called Awakening Teen Camp. I really so badly just wanted to feel close to God. But what happened the very first night of camp changed my life.

 

I was dead-tired and jetlagged and pretty much fell asleep during worship, and wasn’t doing much better during the message. But after the message, one of the counselors came over to pray for me. She began to say how she felt God just wanted to tell me he loves me, so so much.

 

Now being raised in a Christian home, that wasn’t something I hadn’t heard before. But it’s so different for someone else to tell you someone loves you, and for that person to tell you themselves. I could have gone home that day and been changed. God transformed me from the inside out in those 5-weeks. And I can never go back to the way it was.

Now, I still have really really hard days, but God helps me through. He is my ultimate joy. Some worship songs I can’t even make it through without crying just knowing all he’s done for me.

 

Staying focused on my purpose is tough though, but yet, I need to keep my focus that God is in control. When the time comes, he will help me through these tough decisions in my life.

Independence: wanting too much in the wrong time

My hands were piled with old used items I'd personally never use, Christian music was blaring that must have been popular 40 years ago. Yes, today my family had decided to go garage-saling. Some local catholic church was having a huge sale, and as you could guess, that wasn't exactly how I wanted to spend my weekand.

But yet, the constant unhappiness and discontent I was feeling had not just started today. It had seemed constant for at least a week. What was wrong with me? Were my hormones just acting up again?

Suddenly it hit me. Independence.

Now you may be thinking, "That makes no sense." And it's doesn't. But you see, I realized I was so unhappy because at this point in my life, I just wanted to be free of everything. Independent from my parents, my church leaders, God, everyone. It made me realize how true it is that my human nature is so evil, and that the Devil is so deceptive.

I basically was saying to myself, "I don't need anyone but myself to be happy!" And look where that got me. Unhappy and an all-around terrible person to be around.

Some people claim rebellion and wanting independence is part of becoming a teenager. But I honestly don't claim it. I strive to be still be dependent on my parents, because honestly, I need them still at this point in my life more than ever. And most of all, to be totally dependent on God for the rest of my life.

Love, I'm still finding out....

For some reason this has been a topic that has been on my mind all summer. True Love, what is it? In media and movies, it may seem quite clear. Boy + Girl = Love. However, it is a growing concern to me how love is portrayed in the movies.

Sure the first time the boy and the girl kiss, there's that fuzzy feeling. Almost a longing, for that same thing. I know as a teenager, I'm guilty of it myself. The shocking reality hit me one day, this isn't love at all. It's simply lust. All feeling, no commitment.

True love goes beyond the feeling, its about the commitment two people have to one another. Somedays they might feel deeply in love, someday's they may feel almost nothing, but the commitment stays strong regardless.

True love is not one-sided. You can't be in love with someone who doesn't love you back. You may really really like them, but it's not love.

This is something I'm striving for. I want more than just the fuzzy lovey dovey feeling love, I really want God's best for my life, God's love. I want to be able to find joy in my singleness, and enjoy God's perfect love, better than any movie, better than life.

Easier said than done of course, but I'm working on it.

For the Thinkers...

Okay I've realized I'm a thinker. Though it may not seem it (if you know me), I really like to sit down and contemplate things. Whether it be the beauty of nature, a song or a poem, I really think to sit down and think things over.

So I was listening to this really nice song by the artist Jon Foreman (lead singer of Switchfoot), called Baptize My Mind. One line in the song in perticular kept ringing in my head,

For these seeds to give birth to life, first it must die

Then suddenly it hit me. What a perfectly beautiful allegory of our salvation through Christ.

For us to truly start living for God, our flesh must die completely. And believe me, killing your flesh is not easy. I am not saying to start cutting yourself or trying to commit suicide. I am saying that we are all born with a sinful nature, and the deeper we get into God, the less the flesh has control over our lives.

Now understand me, I am not trying to point the finger. If there is anyone to point the finger at, it is myself. I lie. I cheat. I say things that aren't right. But like everything, you have to start somewhere.

Most of all pray, because God will help you through whatever you are struggling with.

Angela

Horton Hears A Who: Pro-Life?

Okay first of all, if you are pro-choice, you may not want to read on. What you are about to read may question your beliefs and quite frankly, you might be ticked. If you are pro-choice and you don't really know why other than it just seemed like a logical thing to believe, read on, you might learn something.

Today I went to see Horton Hears A Who, the new animated movie of the traditional Dr. Seuss book. Now, this might sound funny, but Horton Hears a Who is about abortion.

I know what you're thinking. That's crazy. And it is. That's what I thought when I first heard that. Before I get to the meaning behind the story, I'll give you a little backup on what Horton Hears a Who has to do with abortion.

A few years ago, a girl who was part of a place called JHOP (Justice House of Prayer {I think, don't quote me on that}) had a dream. In her dream, she saw a house. Above the door of the house was a sign that read, "THE WHO." Inside the house were books that were needed for the future. Lou Engle, the founder of JHOP, heard about this dream, and it took a few years before they actually linked it to the book. But Lou Engle read the book and he saw that it was about abortion.

Okay now to the actual movie plot. Note: this allogory is mostly my opinion, and you are free to develop your own opinions about the movie.

Horton hears a small voice, a voice that no one else can hear. He hears the Who's, a perfectly alive town of people whose whole world is on a small speck on a clover. Horton represents the people who recognize that a baby is alive at conception, the Who's represent the babies. They are very alive, yet no one believes they are. Horton holds fast to the truth that "a person's a person, no matter how small."

Pieces starting to come together yet? Good, let's continue.

The Kangeroo represents the people who strongly believe in no life before birth and that getting an abortion is as close to murder as removing a kidney or another body part. Yet her son (in the movie) doesn't strongly believe as she does. This to me represents the children of the pro-choice generation, who will find their own beliefs through it all and ultimately find truth.

Horton's mouse friend (I don't remember his name) represents the Christians who believe that abortion is murder but, they want to keep it under the raps. They'll say, "That's kind of a contrevesial topic, can't we just stay away from that?"

The black bird, represents the media. I was just watching the movie and I had the strong impression, "Media."

My dad said he loved how it was the young people that ended up rising up and saying "no." We are a generation who is said to be "already conquered," but they don't know our God.

There was one part where the kangeroo was just like, "Say you were wrong, that there were no people on that clover, say I'm right and this will all go away." Let's face it, pro-life isn't a popular belief but it's fact.

If you're pro-choice and reading this, you're probably thinking, "Yeah right. All talk, no proof." Well, here's your proof. http://www.justfacts.com/abortion.asp

That link above IS NOT a Pro-Life site. It is simply the facts. Read that for a little while, and see if you still believe abortion is a humane procedure.

God Bless, Ang