Purpose/My Story

Purpose. 

 

Is it normal for someone my age to have questions about my purpose in life? Of course, but, who can answer these questions? My mind tends to go on overload when I think about this topic. I start to panic thinking, "Will I ever graduate high school?" "What college should I go to?" "What should I major in?" "What if I hate my job and I'm stuck doing it forever? I HAVE TO PICK THE RIGHT MAJOR!!!" etc. But I feel like your purpose in life goes far beyond what you do, your job, family and all that. Far beyond what I can understand. 

 

I was reading a book the other day while still pondering this in my mind, and I came upon an article in the book with the title, 

 

YOUR PURPOSE IN LIFE IS TO DRAW AS CLOSE TO GOD AS POSSIBLE

 

I thought immediately something between, "Yeah, whatever, I know." and "What? There's gotta be more to it than that." But really, there isn't. Follow God whole-heartedly and everything else will follow!

 

But this seemed hard for me for the longest time. About a year ago, I was living in complete and total condemnation, believing I was such a bad person God wouldn't want to be near me. I've mentioned the fact I was a cutter to a few of my friends which is, sort of true. Bluntly, I would dig dull knives into myself to deal with the stress and pain of life. There are some faint scar/scratches on my left forearm. It was an absolutely terrible time.

 

Then I went to this summer camp in Missouri called Awakening Teen Camp. I really so badly just wanted to feel close to God. But what happened the very first night of camp changed my life.

 

I was dead-tired and jetlagged and pretty much fell asleep during worship, and wasn’t doing much better during the message. But after the message, one of the counselors came over to pray for me. She began to say how she felt God just wanted to tell me he loves me, so so much.

 

Now being raised in a Christian home, that wasn’t something I hadn’t heard before. But it’s so different for someone else to tell you someone loves you, and for that person to tell you themselves. I could have gone home that day and been changed. God transformed me from the inside out in those 5-weeks. And I can never go back to the way it was.

Now, I still have really really hard days, but God helps me through. He is my ultimate joy. Some worship songs I can’t even make it through without crying just knowing all he’s done for me.

 

Staying focused on my purpose is tough though, but yet, I need to keep my focus that God is in control. When the time comes, he will help me through these tough decisions in my life.